Dear Salt Lake Police Department:

If you are the officer who has nothing better to do with my tax dollars than patrol residential streets and ticket people for parking in front of their own houses just because they happen to be facing against the flow of traffic: please die immediately.

God forbid I somehow interfere with the two cars that drive down my quiet little road between 10:34 PM (when you parked in my driveway and wrote the ticket) and 9:00 AM (when I discovered it). Loser.

Oh, and I'm really glad that this completely pointless infraction is going to cost me $25. And that's if I pay it on time. Which I won't because I'm a social deviant who gets off on parking illegally and collecting delinquent parking tickets.