I know I haven't been posting lately and I know that because there has been this looming cloud of ball-dropping and posts unwritten following me. Nagging unflinchingly like a sexist 1950s depiction of a housewife. Think Mad Men without the rockin' decor. I've actually only seen a few episodes of Mad Men, so forgive me if that simile isn't entirely accurate. Making stuff up / drawing analogies that only work on the flimsiest of levels is super fun.
Trust me.
SO, what, you might be asking, would keep me from this glorious blog? And, before wondering aloud why you're asking questions of a person who clearly can't hear you, I answer:
1. Remember that beacon of shining bungalow heaven the bf and I purchased in November? Well, a week and a half ago IT WAS BURGLARIZED. You guys, some one walked through our back gate, pulverized our back door, stole our two flat screen HDTVs, and ran out the front door leaving it WIDE OPEN. When the crime scene guy saw our back door he was astonished, and said that he had literally never seen a door as damaged as ours—that deviant criminal junkies usually don't go to this much trouble:
Since this blessed event we've done a TON to make our home more secure, but seriously?
And, yes, it could have been a lot worse. They could have harmed or killed our pets. They could have cleaned our house out. They could have stolen credit cards, passports, checks, etc. None of that happened, for which I am eternally grateful.
HOWEVER, I would like to put this out into the universe: If you are the person who broke into my home when my boyfriend and I were at work, toiling away to pay for said house and all the belongings in it, including the items you stole, please DIE IN A FIRE.
2. Requesting of the universe that people I hate die in a fire is my new favorite thing. Enlightened? No. Cosmically detrimental? Quite possibly. Fulfilling in a deep warming-the-cockles-of-your-heart sort of way? UNDENIABLY.
3. Someone very near and dear to my heart is in the hospital. I don't feel like this blog is necessarily the place to go into detail about this, but it was really scary for a while there. After spending every non-working moment for the last several days at the University Hospital, it seems like everything's going to be alright. And for that I am bottomlessly thankful.
4. So, Lisa? Why haven't you offed yourself? You wonder silently after the reprimand you received at the beginning of this post. To which I answer: THE BAHAMAS! Next month the bf and I will be lounging on white sandy beaches and puttering around our villa at the undeniably extravagant Grand Isle resort on Great Exuma. Silver linings, you guys. Silver linings.
That's all there is for the dramatic tale of Lisa and Haigen's June of Ill Repute. Tune in next time for what I'm sure will be some pictures of dope shit I want to own or lovely creatures I want to look like. And until then may your lives be a hundred thousand times less eventful than mine.
